A Short Thought on Letting People Like Things
Along with the new nicotine trend amongst teens, barn raising, and Charles Dickens
Here’s a far less theological than normal post that’s mostly a note to myself.
To say that I have been a snob for most of my adult life might be an understatement (consider this my apology to fans of the Star Wars prequels and the DCEU).
I have a tendency to be the “well, actually” guy and have been compared to Ross Geller.1 If someone liked something that wasn’t good, I would let them know about it. Movies. Books. Music. Definitely, coffee. I can be pretty snobbish about them all and more, even things I don’t even know that much about. The wet blanket. The rain on someone’s parade. I justify it by thinking I am doing them a service, but it’s just annoying. I’m sure if you dug deep enough into my childhood we’d be able to find some juicy reasons for why I struggle with this particular habit, but this Substack is cheaper than therapy.
Not to shift blame (too much), but I’m not the only one who deals with this. Basically, the whole internet’s native language is loudly telling people they are wrong and why enjoying this thing you enjoy is stupid. Oh you posted that you like puppies? Comment 1: “Ew, puppies stink.” Comment 2: “Cats are better!” Comment 3: “Puppies are a psy-op from the elites to keep us from having more children.”
Everyone is Ross now.
Several weeks ago, I noticed one of those viral trends on social media where everyone responds to a prompt about themselves and people have a laugh.2 The prompt was something like, “Share 10 things that everyone else loves but you hate.” It was fun and harmless, so I’m not placing judgement on those who participated, but there was a part of me that wondered, does the internet need more of this? There are already enough snobs like me out there trashing on things that people like. Why can’t we just let people like things? No one enjoys being told they are “basic” or have no taste, so why do that to people?
Where does this impulse come from in us? Is it a desire to be cool? To look knowledgable? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s a subtle reaction to the fact that so much of our modern life is set up as a competition and there are all these identities that are trying to fight for position. Maybe you feel inadequate that you don’t like the Thing of the Moment. You don’t want to feel left out, so you make comments like, “Yay, sportsball,” at the Super Bowl party.
The problem is that when we (I) act like a wet blanket, we’re doing no one any favors. We think we’re helping or just having fun, but we’re really just alienating. We’re not even helping ourselves that much. We are just contributing to a culture that already measures your worth based off of your performance. We’re creating an environment where we we will be just as captive to everyone else’s opinions.
That doesn’t sound like a very fun world to live in. Maybe we (I) just need to let people like things. Let’s let Taylor Swift fans enjoy their newfound love of football. Who cares if Stanley cups3 are so ubiquitous now that everyone has them? Maybe some of us even need to let people like the Star Wars prequels.4 Don’t make someone’s enjoyment of something about how you can’t enjoy that thing. Just be happy for them!
And also, letting other people like things means you don’t have to feel inadequate about the stuff you enjoy. Don’t worry about being cringe or uncool; in fact, embrace it. You can be free and like your thing.
Of course, this doesn’t have to apply if someone is participating in something harmful, either to themselves or to society. And liking something benign can still be destructive if it turns into full on obsession. I recognize all of this is a judgement call. But on the whole, we (I) can just try to err on the side of not being snobby and let people enjoy life. And you definitely don’t need to be running around telling strangers (even on the internet) that they have garbage taste. There’s enough negativity in the world as it is.
Now, do I still hate things that everyone likes? Totally. But it’s not that fun to rain on someone else’s parade. What is fun is being the weirdo who likes something everyone else hates.
Here’s 10 from me:
Black licorice5
Reading footnotes
Doing the dishes
Big books
The Last Jedi6
Rainy weather
The Rings of Power
Public speaking
Black licorice ice cream
A Thing of Beauty
Zojirushi Stainless Steel Vacuum Insulated Mug
While people should let you drink from whichever water bottle you want, if you’re looking for a Stanley cup alternative, this one is amazing. It doesn’t have a straw, but it has a spring-loaded lid that covers the mouthpiece and keeps it clean. It can hold hot or cold drinks for longer than any other insulated drink receptacle that I’ve ever seen, longer than Yeti or Hydroflask.
What I’m Listening to
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens (audiobook)
This is part of my effort to read more old books (something that I want to write about eventually). I read it a million years ago in high school and I don’t think I got the most out of it that I could have. Also, I wanted to make sure that the parts that I remembered about the story were actually in the book and not just memories from the Wishbone episode about it. I am 3/4 the way through it and it is very plain why this is a classic.
Links
Our Kids Are Living in a Different Digital World, Emily Dreyfuss - The New York Times
Do you know what Zyn is? I didn’t until this article. It’s a nicotine pouch that’s popular on TikTok and has taken off with teenagers. That’s just one example of how our kids live in a completely different world than we do thanks to the online silos that algorithms create. Social media companies leverage the power of these algorithms and feed you influencers who seem to be “authentically” telling you about a product they love.
With ruthless efficiency, social media can deliver unlimited amounts of the content that influencers create or inspire. That makes the combination of influencers and social media algorithms perhaps the most powerful form of advertising ever invented.
And because algorithms make no moral calculus (and because social media companies turn a blind eye), the products that get pushed could be harmful.
Decades later — even after Juul showed the power of influencers to help addict yet another generation of children — the courts, tech companies and regulators still haven’t adequately grappled with the complexities of the influencer economy.
We are living in the absurdities of that loophole. California forbids any tobacco billboards near the middle school by my house in San Francisco, but that law does not prevent unsponsored #Zynbabwe videos from showing up in those students’ feeds at recess.
Facebook, Instagram and TikTok all have guidelines that prohibit tobacco ads and sponsored, endorsed or partnership-based content that promotes tobacco products. Holding them accountable for maintaining those standards is a bigger question.
What Happens When a Community Works Together, Gracy Olmstead - The Rabbit Room
Gracy writes about modern day “barn raising” where families help each other out with large projects. It’s a brilliant idea that I hope catches on.
There is something important and vulnerable, in contrast, about asking for help—about admitting that we need something from our friends. Our American bent toward independence and self-sufficiency makes us reluctant to ever admit our needs. But if you’ve ever babysat a friends’ kids when they needed a date night, cried with them over a lost loved one, or walked with them through seasons of depression or anxiety, then you know. It is this combined service and vulnerability that turn lighthearted acquaintanceships into real friendships.
I Fired My Therapist. It Was an AI Chatbot, Elizabeth Broadbent - ADDitude
I’ve written previously about how AI chatbots cannot replace human connection. This short article shows from a different angle the shortcomings of using an AI chatbot as a therapist. Ultimately, AI chatbots can’t give you what you need because it can’t see you as a human individual with specific needs, backstory, and struggles.
Notes on Staying Sane in an Election Year, Jake Meador - Mere Orthodoxy
I guess we’re doing this again, aren’t we? Sigh.
Jake has important wisdom to help you get through this year without losing your mind…or your soul.
There will be many, many attempts made this year to colonize your imagination. Cable news and political podcasts and morning radio and social media reactionaries will all be there, demanding your attention. Indeed, they will at times suggest that if you fail to attend to them then you will yourself somehow become complicit in the evils they are decrying.
Ignore them.
I am not saying to ignore politics, ignore public life, or adopt an above-it-all indifferentism to any of these things. We have already talked about how politics matter and how they provide one arena through which we can love our neighbors. Rather, I am telling you to refuse to participate in the sensationalizing spectacle of political discourse in an election year.
Which pains me in so many ways.
Usually, it’s things like, “Share the first gif that shows up when you type in your name,” “What’s the last movie that made you cry?” Things like that.
Not the hockey one.
I am really going to work on this.
The real stuff. And the stronger, the better.
I know critics liked it but every Star Wars fan I know didn’t.